I find it hilarious that for the month of April, I neglected at all to write anything in regards to resolutions. I am not, however, surprised by any means. I didn’t want to have that accountability and, subconsciously, I really did think that I had written them on April 1st(when I did my March review and posted) but evidently not.
I know that this month was weighing heavily on my mind.
This is a hard one because I know that I have alienated friends in the past because I work. Too much. Literally every day. I don’t give time for me and friendships or relationships of any kind to grow. Throw in a spoonful of social anxiety, a cup of PTSD and a few drops of depression, and this month was always going to be confronting.
But I do have the most incredible, supportive, loving, caring, fun, motivating, encouraging bloody beautiful bunch of friends from all parts of my life.
So, from what I can remember These are the things I wanted to or did achieve:
- Remind my friends I do have that I am still here. Invite me to get togethers, ask to hang out, come check out my new pad! This was pretty well reiterated to several of my friends. Resulting in a Good Friday Poker night out (thanks Shelley!) and me making a commitment to hold a “pot luck” get together come Late September/early October when I knew my interstate friends will be around. (stay tuned for that one!)
- Reach out an reconnect to friends I’ve not spoken to in a while. When your best friend moves to Queensland (I am in NSW) and has 3 kids under 10 plus hubby who works pretty much FIFO, combined with my nutso work habit, time seems to get away from me (and her!) and before long its been months since we have talked. It was so good to just call her and have such a great catch up. I miss her and her family so so much, and it was comforting to hear her voice and just chat like it hadn’t been months!
- Make new friends. This one was an anxiety inducing horror I was setting myself up for, but lo and behold, someone else did the hard work! I was contacted on the “Better”App (Gretchen Rubins’ Happiness Project forum) from another “THPE’er” Maurya Rieder who wanted to start a Sydney Australia group for The Happiness Project. Joined, and interacting with a few new people. The aim is to continue to interact and give my take on the whole years’ experiences etc.
- I also started Pole Fitness, main aims were because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but also with the hope of meeting new people. Not a totally successful exercise on the meeting new people front, but it is one of my 19 for 19, and I have had a couple of conversations with some of the other girls there. I just feel like they are all so young, so not sure that there will be too many connections made, but that’s what this is all about. Trying new and different things. (speaking of which, I really desperately need to revisit my 19 for 19…) So, I may not get any new friends, but I might just get a killer bod and some moves that will set me apart on the dance floor. Wink Wink
- I helped a friend out with taking some photos for her business. I really enjoyed the afternoon (stress and anxiety and all!) and spending time with her. She has a genuineness about her that is rare. A realness. She doesn’t hold back with her opinions. You know that if you are a girlfriend of hers, she will fight for you no matter what you are going through. And you know that you would do the same for her. These are the kinds of people I need to surround myself with a lot more. I think everyone needs a Chezza in their lives.
So April was a bit of a shemozzle. But that’s okay. Some things we will be more comfortable with and some things we will subconsciously try and avoid like the plague. This just happened to be one of those months for me.
I did get a lot of happiness out of spending time helping my friend with her business. It made me feel like I was contributing and being useful, and just being a kind hearted human. Even if she did spoil me with her wares and a lovely set of earrings for my “trouble” (which it wasn’t any trouble at all).
I also really loved hanging out with a group of friends playing poker. Duh. I just wish my anxiety allowed me more freedom to do these things without all the bullshit. Anyone who has any kind of mental health issued will understand. Those who don’t, please give me a minute to address you directly.
We cant help it. I know we say “Yes!! Id love to come to your (insert social gathering here)” and then we don’t turn up. Or if you are lucky we turn up late. And we will also be last to arrive first to leave. Please do not take it personally. Its not you, it really is us! Don’t take that as a signal to stop inviting us altogether. This makes us feel like you don’t like us. Which we know isn’t true. Well we hope. But please don’t give up on us. We know when we get somewhere we actually have a fucking awesome time! It’s the pre-game we suck at (at least for me it is). It’s the “what do I wear? Who will be there? What will they think of me? What if they don’t like me and only want me there for gossip later?” Don’t laugh, I have thought this many, many times. And I know everyone has these thoughts every once in a while. We have them ALL… THE…. TIME…. And at an intensity of 300% more than what one would normally feel. Just please be patient. We want to be involved and included. Sometimes we can, sometimes we cant. Just don’t give up on us.
Anyhoo, May (the month of Money AKA Work) is also looking to be a mega challenge for me. But one I will grab by the balls and do my bloody best to find happiness in!
I am sure I rambled with little rational thought, but hey, that’s me!